Blessings on Blessings

When I saw the positive pregnancy test, I had a bundle of emotions. I was excited and terrified all at the same time and I don’t know which one caused me to burst into tears. When I planned out my life, I had a set idea of what I wanted. I would go to school, graduate, get my masters degree, get a career, a house, and then I would start a family. But God had other plans, and He had made it pretty obvious.

Since I got married in the summer of 2022, God had put it on my heart that I wanted to be a mother. I longed to be able to just start a family and nurture young lives and hearts. That feeling never went away, even though I kept insisting that I needed to get my plans done first. Aaron and I would talk and talk about how we could move our timeline up so that we can just start a family. Especially after we had the blessing of our nephew’s birth in February 2023, and my cousin’s daughter being born that following March. 

So when I took that pregnancy test, I think that despite my panic, I knew this was meant to happen all

along. Because the joy that I have felt growing my two babies has been so overwhelming, and the way that my relationship with the Lord has transformed, just solidifies that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing. 

Since finding out about my pregnancy in October, I have thought deeply about what it means to be a mother biblically. As the holiday season came sweeping in, I thought about Mary and how terrified she must have felt when she was appointed to be the mother of Jesus, and in turn, I thought of how honored I am that God had chosen me to have not just one baby, but two. When I thought I was just pregnant with one baby, I was overwhelmed that God would grant me this task. But when I saw two little babies on that first ultrasound, I thought, “God built me for this.” 

As I have turned over in my head how God has appointed me to be a mother, I have questioned what my life was supposed to look like after school. Am I supposed to get my master’s degree? Am I supposed to jump into a job at a church? All the questions that pile up have been continually washed away as God just says to me, “just wait until the babies get here.” So I am waiting. And waiting can be hard. I want to pull up my bootstraps and provide for my babies but all God is asking me to do is to wait. To focus on the now. So I have slowed my life down. Focusing on the daily, rather than the big picture. I think of what I’m doing in the now to take care of my babies and I think of the now and how I can take care of myself. 

And so my daily routine looks a little like this:  

• Wake up

• Take the dogs potty

• sit at the table and eat breakfast

• do my devotional, take my vitamins

• get ready for school

• create a To Do list (just for the day/week)

• get to my classes and go to work

• eat my meals/snacks

• Come home and get into comfy clothes (of course, I’m pregnant)

• Unwind with some TV or Nintendo Switch

• Have dinner

• Do some homework

• Get ready for bed, take more vitamins (I’m taking care of twins!)

• Get in bed and read or scroll on my phone for a little bit

• Go to sleep

My schedule is nowhere near perfect, and I could probably get better at some healthy habits, but right now, I have been feeling so much more content and closer to God. Aaron and I have been making time to see family nearby, and I haven’t felt rushed to accomplish my long term plans. Every day comes with its own challenges and so I will face them when they come. Since slowing down, I have felt more gratitude for God and I know that what He is doing in my heart right now is better than anything I can do for myself longterm. I have been working out some burdens on my heart and I think that through this, Aaron and I have gotten closer. We are almost halfway to parenthood and while we are a little scared, we are so excited to meet these babies, and in the meantime, we have been growing in our own relationship with each other and with God. And for me, that’s enough.