Transitions

Being pregnant comes with a lot of transitions. Tomorrow, I will be 25 weeks along with my twin boys and there are still so many new things that I am experiencing. The back pain is killer at this point and while I don’t quite have a waddle, I am getting there. Sleeping is rough as I struggle to toss and turn and even stay asleep and frankly with this time change, it has thrown me more than I expected. I have gained a significant amount of weight and surprisingly, I only have a couple stretch marks so far. The biggest transition that I have had is the emotional one. I feel like I am constantly on this roller coaster of feeling weepy, sad, angry, offended, or even overjoyed. Once, my husband made me laugh so hard that I started to bawl my eyes out because of the amount of emotions that I had been holding in over time and so I think that one thing that I am still struggling with is how to be okay with being overwhelmed. 

Trying to juggle pregnancy, school, a job, and being in the process of moving and nesting, I feel like I have so much on my plate that I want to just lie down and cry. With all kinds of things pulling me left and right, I have learned that in this transition I really just have to take care of myself. I am fragile, and I need to be okay with that. My last post I shared a bit about being behind in school and it's safe to say that I probably will be at least a little bit behind for the rest of the term which is only 5 weeks. With the countdown of graduation becoming smaller and smaller, my stress seems to rise. But even with the stress of school, there is a bittersweet feeling as I am realizing that my time is becoming limited at Fox and that I need to enjoy the moments. I shouldn’t let the weight of grades hinder me from simply enjoying my classes and the company of my classmates and professors. 

Another thing that I have started to realize is that as I am in this transitioning period, I get to choose how to start my new season. With us being in the process of moving in with my in-laws, there is the opportunity to look at the material things in my life and see what I need and don’t need. Maybe its also the pregnancy nesting brain but I honestly have found plenty of items and clothing that I don’t use and probably won’t ever use again because not only does it bring in clutter but I will also be a mom that doesn’t have time to be using such materials. When visiting my storage unit the other day I came across an old longboard from high school and I realized I probably won’t ever use it again! 

Moving also means that I get a new space for a new beginning that can become a home for me. This is the space that will be a home for my two babies too so there is a sweetness to it that I get to raise my children in a space that I can make welcoming and safe. So despite being overwhelmed by so much, I know that there is so much good in the things that are changing and that I need to enjoy the little moments. But I have also learned that it’s okay to cry and be a mess and really struggle with changes and stress. I have so much on my plate and being overwhelmed isn’t wrong. Its just difficult, but I am getting through it and as I count down the days for moving and then graduation and then giving birth, I know that this is a season that I will look back on often and that I can really just affirm in myself that I did the best that I did.