The Struggle is Real

I will be completely honest with you. This past week has been rough for me. As I hit the 20 week mark of my pregnancy, I began to feel the real effects of the pregnancy on my body as I began to juggle as much as I could but then constantly feeling like I needed to just set it all down and rest. The week started with me realizing that I finally needed a pregnancy pillow. I was waking up sore and like all my muscles were wound up tight. But while the pregnancy pillow has helped the soreness, I was waking up every morning feeling exhausted and I couldn’t comprehend the idea of going the entire day trying to do my daily tasks. 

My time that I had been spending every morning with God was being cut short as I lingered in bed longer and longer and realized that I just needed physical rest. Not only was my body physically drained but I felt a whole surge of new emotions as I struggled with hormones. I would feel weepy one moment and raging the next and I felt like I was out of control. I couldn’t focus in my classes, and I couldn’t focus on the tasks and responsibilities that I have been holding at church. I honestly haven’t felt like myself this week and as I continued to try and try, the more I realized that I really am pregnant and that I needed to take a reality check. 

With this being my last term of my bachelors, I have had to realize that my grades aren’t as high risk anymore. Of course I need to pass, but I don’t need to stress when my grade drops from a 100% to a 95% just because I couldn’t complete one task because of my pregnancy. I can take risks and prioritize myself and this week really taught me that. 

I also realized that I appreciate my community. The people who have been able to be by my side as I struggle and take a step back from my responsibilities. They have encouraged me to take care of myself and the more that I speak about it out loud the more I realize how much I am taking on and that I can receive grace. That God is willingly giving it to me and that the people in my life will too. 

Being able to spend the end of my week with the community has allowed me to remember that I am among people that really care for me. Spending my morning at church, I was able to serve alongside my friends as we invited parents to attend the youth service! This was such a fun experience as I got to meet parents and just see this fun dynamic but it also got me excited for parenthood. Later, I went to a Super Bowl party with my leadership team and I just got to rest with friends, eat good food, and just enjoy the simplicity of watching a football game. Of course I rooted for the Chiefs, but really I was rooting for Taylor Swift. And they won! 

This week just reminded me that there are times when I am going to be pouring into my time with God and that I am going to be able to spend hours with him but then there are weeks like this one where I am going to just have to be okay with praying with him and spending little times when I can with Him. Either way, my relationship with Him has continued to grow as I face the many trials of my pregnancy and this week also proved that not every day is going to go with my schedule. I know that this will be especially true when I am caring for two little boys and keeping up with family and life. But whatever comes my way, I am grateful for God and the people that He has provided me with and I have learned to continually lean into Him, even when I am going through hard times.